Marriage is like a Roller Coaster Ride
Marriage is like a Roller Coaster Ride. Well, here’s how my husband and I have stayed on this Roller Coaster Ride of marriage for nearly 27 years. In the early years, there were children, 3 total. His mine and ours. 13 years later we had one more, a delightful boy, an unexpected looptyloop in the rollercoaster ride. Crazy but fun.
We made the decision that I would be a stay at home mom and he would work to support us. That was not the picnic we thought it would be. The long uphill climb on our Roller Coaster Ride. It was a lot like being a single parent. He had to work two jobs most of the time to keep bills paid.
Couples need Date Nights
We were fortunate that we had grandparents in town to help give us a break once in a while so we could have an evening out together. That turned out to be really important because I look back and I see how date night refreshed us. I highly recommend all married couples/partners, by all means, plan date nights. You deserve that special time alone together.
How I created more income
Later I decided that we could have more income if I opened our home and cared for more children. My poor exhausted husband could come home at 5:00 p.m. instead of rushing off to a second job. Starting the daycare helped but it wasn’t perfect.
The family home was now a business and the kids had to help with cleaning. Helping also included playing the occasional game with daycare kids. My daughter was in middle school at the time and begged me to give up the daycare. She wanted me to herself and she wanted our home back to a more peaceful state. It was official I had added more riders to our already crazy Roller Coaster Ride.
There were a few problems
We had 2 small indoor dogs and my husband was a smoker. These situations made my job as a childcare provider an uphill battle. My daughter begged me to give up the daycare. My two older high school-aged boys really didn’t care because they were busy doing other after-school activities away from the house.
We had to give and take a lot.
I thought I had the right to expect my husband to quit smoking. Well, he never asked me to open our home as a daycare, it was after all my idea. He was a smoker when we met and when we married. He’s a smoker to this day. I’m not thrilled about it, I thought he’d outgrow it. But it’s his journey and he has to decide for himself.
Now don’t get me wrong, he was considerate and smoked outside during business hours. But it was after all his house too and he smoked during evenings and weekends at his desk. But there was a lingering odor. Long story short I realized the daycare business wasn’t the best fit for my family.
Everyone is ultimately on their own path
Everyone married or not is on their own path. All of us have our own journey to travel. But as married couples and partners, it is important that we understand that some things on our journey have to be done by one’s own self. Like the decision to quit smoking or lose weight. Yes we can support one another and yes we should negotiate, but when it came right down to it, we all had to compromise so that I could make an income to support our family. This is the craziest part of the Roller Coaster Ride where we just had to hold on and don’t let go.
There came a time when I was able to let the daycare go. I had made friends with families and their children. We made some great memories as well. But we as a family were able to rearrange our boundaries for the time that I needed to help bring in extra income. We were closer and stronger as a family and we came through it just fine.
That’s been the nature of our marriage after all these years. We’ve become good at the give and take in the circumstances of our lives that needed reordering.
The secret of staying married
For us, the secret of staying married longer has been the willingness to be flexible. The willingness to let one have more than the other for a time. We weren’t willing to quit during difficult times, but we were willing to work together. Sometimes we had to put our hands in the air and ride it out. We made it to the other side.
We come upon life situations that are like untieing a bad knot in shoelaces and you just have to sit there and work through it. Once you get things sorted out you come out on the other side relieved and grateful that you didn’t give up.
So I challenge you to stick it out. Not through an abusive relationship that’s something altogether unacceptable. We as couples and families can ride out the tough times together. So hold on to one another and don’t quit. You can do this.
That’s all for today friends.
I hope you enjoyed this discussion. Please share your thoughts and, feel free to leave your comments and share this post with friends.
I’m Karen with Embracing Aging
Reminding you to Embrace Your Age